I frequently (almost daily) read Prayfit.com’s posts. Jimmy Pena is someone I look up to as a leader in fitness but more so in how I, as an athlete, can be more Christ-like. He humbles me in that when I think of working out, why I want to work out is to look good and feel good but Jimmy reminds me that God wants me to be healthy, humble, and do it for Him, not for societal accolades. My body isn’t meant to be on parade for the world to gawk at and desire. Now I realize how contradicting this is with my header above boasting my swimsuit pictures and, let’s be honest, my ego. And while I can make excuses and come up with some really great reasons why it’s okay for me to post them and more pictures of me looking great (or not so great), in the end it’s not what God wants from me, but what I want. I want the encouragement from others and the compliments. Don’t we all? Don’t we all just ache to have someone envy us, not in a hateful way but an “I wish I had that determination” or “I wish I could be able to put this dang 3lb tub of cookie dough in the trash so I stop eating with a spoon so I’d have a chance to look that good in a bikini!” I know that when I get dressed up to go out I have hopes of people noticing that I put effort in. That I look beautiful. But what I tell my daughter is that beauty is found on the inside. That God has made us the way we are and we are all wonderfully and beautifully made. Physically “beautiful” people can sometimes be mean and ugly in their treatment of others and that people who may not be perfect on the outside can have a truly beautiful heart on the inside. Why do I put so much stock in my looks then? I don’t judge my friends based on their looks. I love them regardless of their size, gender, or outward appearance.
The main reason I train is cause I love it. Just purely love it. And I want to be healthy. I want to take care of the body God blessed me with, big thighs and all. But the thin line is to not let my ego take over. To be humble, not prideful or boastful, is more important to God than it is to appease society with letting them have a say in whether I’m fit enough, thin enough, sexy enough, and ::grimace:: funny enough. It’s hard. I fail. I know I do, I won’t deny, but by heavens, I’m going to try hard to live for what God wants of me not what I want. I’m going to strive to remind myself to be strong and healthy, not to look good in a swimsuit or skinny jeans, but because God has gifted me this body and its the only one I’ve got so I should respect it. And flaunting it is not respecting it. Having others judge it and tell me whether or not I’m thin enough, ripped enough, isn’t a life goal I want to have. Instead, I want people to look at me and see someone who, amidst all the flaws, all the struggles as well as the successes, all the weaknesses along with strengths, strives to live a life like Christ. And give Him all the credit.